Time and Relative Dimensions in Cake: Baking a TARDIS (and a Dalek)

"People assume that time is a strict progression of cause to effect, but *actually* from a non-linear, non-subjective viewpoint - it's more like a big ball of wibbly wobbly... time-y wimey... stuff." The Doctor, Blink

There was an incident fifty years ago this month. Another that happened a tenth of that time ago at almost the same time of year. The two events are not connected by cause and effect, except they were today and by a big ball of squeezy wheezy blue stuff.

On November 23 this year we celebrate fifty years of Doctor Who. I'm not that old (though my Mum shares a name of one of his original companions), but I grew up watching the British series. I've been fortunate enough too my son Alex has similarly developed an enjoyment of the program and asked for a Doctor Who cake to celebrate his birthday this year.

What better way to celebrate five and fifty years with a cake of the Doctor's time machine, a blue policebox called the TARDIS? After all, it's rectangular, which hopefully meant it would be relatively easy to bake and decorate. We may have been "forced" to outsource the party to a play centre this year, but at least can put some effort into a decent cake.

Cake decorating seems to have expanded into more general society, judging by the number of cake decorating shops and shows on the topic on Pay TV. I have a couple of colleagues at work who are obsessed by the subject. Neither my wife B nor I are professional, semi-professional or even vaguely professional cake decorators. However, articles on the Internet and various YouTube videos make it seem a lot easier than it actually is.

Armed with a YouTube video and a few blog posts we set about making the TARDIS. Whilst the TV version may be bigger on the inside than the outside ours was just cake on the inside covered with icing.

Baking the actual cakes was the easy bit. B did the orange cake and I the chocolate mud cake (sans coffee). Both recipes are delicious. That night we also made the chocolate modelling paste to construct the outer shell of the TARDIS cake. We used melted white chocolate, corn derived glucose syrup and blue gel dye. This formed a thick blue dough which we rolled up and left overnight and into the next day.

I printed out a picture of the TARDIS as a template, but it was too large. How large should the template be? This is where relative dimensions come in, along with a bit of math. Yes, mathematics is useful!

Volume (V) = height (H) x width (W) x depth (D)

First find the maximum volume of cake available for use (Vc) by using the above equation (Vc = Hc x Wc x Dc) and the dimensions of the cake. Also we need to calculate the relative scale of the TARDIS (t) by using the dimensions of the template (m) where the dimensions can be written as a ratio with one side = 1. Despite the template being only two dimensional we know the depth = width as the base of the TARDIS is square. We need

Vt = Ht x Wt x Dt = (Hm x Wm x Dm)/Dm . Because of the square base this simplifies to Vt = Hm/Dm (neglecting units here).

For your information, Hm/Dm comes out to be about 1.6. So the TARDIS dimensions are of the ration 1:1:1.6.

If we let H, W, D be the dimensions that we'll use for our cake and taking advantage of the fact that the base is square then we get:

D = (Vc * Dm / Hm) ^ 1/3
W = D
H = Hm/Dm * D

And those are the dimensions that you need to make the cake. This meant carving the cake into blocks and pasting together with butter cream. The whole lot was covered with butter cream. We then cut out the four vertical sides of the TARDIS from the blue chocolate modelling paste with white icing for the windows and black writing icing for details. I printed the signs on ordinary paper and cut them out - they stuck easily enough to the chocolate.

And there you have it!

Alex gets a second birthday party at childcare, where he has a Doctor Who obsessed teacher. So we made a simpler Dalek cake using leftover red fondant from the previous year's birthday cake (briefly microwaved to soften), liquorice strips and chocolate coated marshmallows.

Now I've educated you about some mathematics, maybe you would like to read Andy Connelly's article in the Guardian about the Science of Cake.

Malaysians make masterful meals

I must profess to rather enjoying the cooking competition series Masterchef, which is now back on TV, though I can only catch half an episode at most as the scheduling clashes with Alex's bath time.

The other night they had a challenge to recreate their fondest childhood food memories. Gosh, that would have been a challenge for me. Mum and dad cooked some okay food, but I cook and eat a whole lot better these days. Unsurprisingly, the challenge was won by Alvin, a Malaysian born contestant.

I say unsurprisingly because I contrast my childhood food experiences with that of my Malaysian wife. Food is possibly the single most important aspect of their culture. It's more than just laksas and curries. There are influences from India, Thailand, the West and the many provinces of China and the Arabs. The fusion of the Chinese and Malays with the Nyonya cuisine is an example. There are sweets and flatbreads, fruits and spices, noodles and soups. When we visit Malaysia it is mainly to eat!

Not only did B's parents own a restaurant and catering business, but eating out both at restaurants and the very cheap hawker stalls is very normal in Malaysia. And when they do cook  themselves it is often a feast of many dishes.

Last year's winner of Masterchef was Julie Goodwin. B bought her recently released recipe book and soon regretted it. You can see why she writes for Women's Weekly as her dishes are old fashioned Australia. Simple, heavy flavours that do not challenge the palate. Easy to cook comfort food. There is a place for that, but the recipe book was redundant.

The runner up, Poh Ling Yeow, also a Malaysian, is the exact opposite. She loves to experiment, while still exploring her culinary heritage. Plus her recipes and video are available for free on the ABC website.

Meanwhile, I'll continue to eat the wonderful meals dished up by my masterchef Malaysian wife (and try to contribute where I can!).