A new superhero

I have been inspired by the events in Japan to create a new superhero.

Our mild-mannered, slightly nerdy, protagonist is freakishly exposed to a blast of radiation. His skin tingles, his hair falls out, he starts shaking uncontrollably. He becomes...

... Dead.

This, of course, sets things up for a sequel, where a mysterious voodoo priest digs him out of the ground and turns him into a Super Zombie. By day he is a writer for News Corp's Daily Telegraph, eating out his reader's brains, an unsatisfying task considering the small size of them. At night... Well, you will need to buy the comic book for that.

Beauty is in the processor of the camera

As I predicted would happen to digital cameras, Panasonic's new FX-78 model includes a recording mode to deemphasise skin blemishes and a retouch function which includes teeth whitening and various cosmetics application to the photo.

How long until an automatic version of this is made compulsory for all paparazzi cameras?

Stand up for an ignorant Australia

I hate Australian politics, but at least it's better than Libya's right now. Here's a song for Tony Abbott's next election campaign.

Stand up! For an Ignorant Australia

Stand up for an ignorant Australia
Stand up! For an Ignorant Australia

A place where all our wealth
Comes from digging up the earth
Stand up for an ignorant Australia
Stand up! For an Ignorant Australia

Workers rights are out the door
Big business always needs more
Stand up for an ignorant Australia
Stand up! For an Ignorant Australia

Your income will be free
To pay all of Mac Bank’s fees
Stand up for an ignorant Australia
Stand up! For in Ignorant Australia

Where watching a Current Affair
Will fill your head with hot air
Stand up for an ignorant Australia
Stand up! For an Ignorant Australia

Say no to the married gay
Let the church have its way
Stand up for an ignorant Australia
Stand up! For an Ignorant Australia

It was hotter in Jesus’ day
If you’re flooded then kneel and pray
Stand up for an ignorant Australia
Stand up! For an Ignorant Australia

If it’s green then cut it down
We prefer the colour brown
[Unless his name is Bob]
Stand up for an ignorant Australia
Stand up! For an Ignorant Australia

Better for you to be dead
Than be called a tech head
Stand up for an ignorant Australia
Stand up! For an Ignorant Australia

Say no to an NBN
What’s wrong with a ballpoint pen?
Stand up for an ignorant Australia
Stand up! For an Ignorant Australia

Never having to say sorry
We’ll rewrite history, don’t you worry
Stand up for an ignorant Australia
Stand up! For an Ignorant Australia

We’ll stop the boats
Of terrorists and their goats
Stand up for an ignorant Australia
Stand up! For an Ignorant Australia

Our border cops will stop the lot
Send them back to be shot
Stand up for an ignorant Australia
Stand up! For an Ignorant Australia

Except for Pommies, they’re just fine
Although they gave us Bodyline
Stand up for an ignorant Australia
Stand up! For an Ignorant Australia

We support the rights
Of all our frightened whites
Stand up for an ignorant Australia
Stand up! For an Ignorant Australia

Our policies come from Alan Jones
And his callers on the phones
Stand up for an ignorant Australia
Stand up! For an Ignorant Australia

All that you need to know
Is tucked up inside my Speedos
Stand up for an ignorant Australia
Stand up! For an Ignorant Australia

Sleepy fish

An Alex update. Lying in bed with a sick kid asleep on my shoulder. At least it's a chance to relax and listen to music; I love relaxing with him.

He continues to amaze. On Saturday, with his "bubble" floats off he began kicking off the wall and swimming back, dipping his face into the water and back up again. The instructor was very impressed, as were we. The backyard pool may be too much work and waste energy and water, but it certainly has its uses!

Apple delivers again

So Steve Jobs is off for medical reasons again...

A little known feature of the iPhone is the built in genetic sampler. Each person who swipes their finger over the screen gets their genetic code read and sent back to Apple's HQ. There it is compared with that of Steve Jobs'.

Nobody reads software licenses, they just accept them. Someone out there has already received that special message from Steve, having accepted it before they even received it in their inbox. It reads "Give me your liver."

The sad thing is, they'll probably feel that warm inner glow of an Apple user even as the knife goes in, smug in their certainty that Apple knows best and that surely it doesn't matter if they are missing a liver, there'll be an app for that.

They have no choice.

That's why I use Android.

Update: I posted this in another (non Apple) forum and had my post very quickly deleted by a moderator. Proof  (in my own mind) that the Church of Apple brooks no blasphemers and certainly lacks a sense of humour when it comes to their pro[fi|phe]t. I'm laughing at them now. :)

100 Famous Views of Edo

While browsing the Kinokuniya bookshop in Sydney I was taken with the Taschen publication of Hiroshige's 100 Famous Views of Edo. These are gorgeous woodblock prints of famous sights in Edo (now Tokyo) during the mid 1800's. You can see poorer quality copies of the 100 views online along with his other works (above image courtesy of the site).

Floods and fire

Seventy five percent of Queensland is currently flood affected. That's a staggering amount. The footage of the torrents of water that passed through Toowoomba and the Lockyer Valley is terrifying and my heart goes out to those who have experienced loss.

I have family up in Central Queensland. My sister in Rockhampton has told me that she's not directly affected and my Mum's major problem is that the airport is shut and she can't return from her holiday in Sydney! I've not been in Rocky during a major flood, managing to just escape on possibly the last flight during the 1991 event.

Flooding has not just been restricted to Queensland. Some of the regions we passed through during our post Christmas trip to Melbourne had seen the Murrumbidgee and other rivers break their banks, leave fences filled with debris and pools of water where none usually sit.

It's difficult to believe how the country was only just gripped by a huge drought, but these cycles of drought and flood are common in Australia. 2009's Black Saturday bushfires and dust storm in Sydney were eerily familiar from living in Melbourne during 1983. The summer of 1983-84 saw flooding in Victoria and probably elsewhere. I can remember that we couldn't retrieve our caravan from storage near Geelong because the Werribee river was flooded, blocking our route.

It's the cycle of El Nino and La Nina and it's part of Australia's (and the world's) climate. In my relatively short lifetime it feels like good farming conditions are an aberration rather than the norm and that farmers need to plan for the tough years rather than relying on assistance with an expectation of good conditions. The good farmers already do, I'm sure.

The scary thing is climate change causing more frequent extreme weather events and the climate seeks a new equilibrium (a dynamic one at that). Furthermore, more atmospheric heat means greater energy pumped into the system. Be prepared and be scared!